(CHANTING)
(PUPPETS "SPEAKING" TIBETAN)
(MONKS CHANTING)
UHH!
(SOFT, EXCITED EXCLAMATIONS)
(CHIRPING)
AAH!
UNHH!
DON'T LET HIM TOUCH YOU.
HAAHH!
AAH!
♪ YOU'VE BEEN TAKEN BY THE CITY ♪
♪ THE OLDEST STORY IN THE WORLD ♪
♪ YOU COME FOR THE GOLD
♪ BUT END UP BOUGHT AND SOLD ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE NO DIFFERENCE ♪
♪ WITH ALL THE LIES THAT YOU'VE BEEN TOLD ♪
♪ WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW IS
♪ YOU'RE THE BEST MAN IN THE WORLD... ♪
BUTT PIE.
IT'S A SEQUEL TO A BOOK WRITTEN CALLED BUTT CAKE.
IT'S VERY POPULAR AT THE NEWSSTANDS.
IT'S ABOUT THIS BUTT WITH CAKE ALL OVER IT.
CHUNKY ASSES?
♪ THERE'S MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE ♪
♪ THERE'S SO MUCH YOU DON'T SEE ♪
♪ LIKE THE POWER OF YOUR HEART ♪
♪ DRIVING YOUR DESTINY
♪ MAGIC TAKES WHAT SHE DESERVES ♪
♪ A LESSER HEART WOULD LOSE ITS NERVE ♪
♪ YOU'VE BEEN TAKEN BY THE CITY ♪
♪ BUT YOU'VE DONE BETTER THAN YOU KNOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE PART OF THE SKY
♪ YOU'RE PART OF THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU'VE GOT THE TALENT TO SATISFY ME ♪
♪ WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW IS
♪ YOU'RE THE BEST MAN IN THE WORLD ♪
♪ BEST MAN IN THE WORLD
♪ NO NO NO
♪ BEST MAN IN THE WORLD
WELCOME TO THE MEL BACHMAN JOURNAL.
I'M MEL BACHMAN,
AND HERE WITH ME TODAY IS CHANDLER JARRELL,
WHO IS DOING SOMETHING VERY VITAL FOR THE COMMUNITY
BECAUSE CHANDLER IS A FINDER OF LOST CHILDREN.
AM I CORRECT?
YES. I FIND MISSING CHILDREN.
THAT...THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
THERE WAS A SHOW CALLED FINDER OF LOST LOVES.
EVER SEE THAT?
TONY FRANCIOSA WAS THE STAR.
UH, YEAH.
I'M LOOKING FOR THIS GIRL--
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT NERVOUS,
WHICH IS PERFECTLY NORMAL.
THIS IS MY FIFTH SHOW, AND I'M STILL NERVOUS.
IN FACT, IS THERE ANYONE HERE WHO'S NOT NERVOUS?
I'M TRYING TO FIND CHERYL MOSELY.
SHE DISAPPEARED A WHILE BACK--
THIS IS WONDERFUL.
BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT
THE MEL BACHMAN REPORT IS ALL ABOUT.
WHEN I CAME TO RST CABLE,
I TOLD THEM I DON'T WANT TO BE ANOTHER MERV, ANOTHER JOHNNY.
I WANT TO DO VITAL PROGRAMMING
THAT'S RESPONSIVE TO THE COMMUNITY.
I'M TRYING TO FIND THIS GIRL.
SHE'S 4'11" AND--
THIS IS WONDERFUL.
LET'S SAY I WANT TO GET INTO YOUR LINE OF WORK.
IS THERE A COURSE I CAN TAKE?
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CARE ABOUT CHILDREN.
DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS LINE OF WORK?
CAN YOU MAKE A LOT OF MONEY DOING THIS?
HER NAME IS CHERYL MOSELY. SHE'S--
THIS IS OFF THE SUBJECT,
BUT THAT'S A WONDERFUL, UNIQUE HAT.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
SHE'S 16, AND I'M TRYING TO FIND HER.
GREAT. SAY YOU DO FIND HER.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO HER?
SHE'S 16 YEARS OLD.
HER NAME IS CHERYL MOSELY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, CHANDLER.
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT TORTOISES.
JUDY, WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?
THIS IS TEDDY. HE'S 80 YEARS OLD.
80? HE'S WONDERFUL.
TEDDY CAN KISS MY ASS.
I'M TRYING TO FIND THIS GIRL.
SHE WAS LAST SEEN IN NORTH HOLLYWOOD.
CONTACT ME AT 468-8492--
THANK--
SHUT UP, MAN.
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION--
YO, IF YOU DON'T PUT THE CAMERA OVER HERE,
I'LL BUST YOUR ASS. LEAVE THE CAMERA ON.
CHERYL MOSELY. CHANDLER JARRELL. 24 HOURS A DAY.
468-8492.
NOW YOU CAN TALK ABOUT TORTOISES.
EXCUSE ME.
THAT WAS CHANDLER JARRELL.
WELL, I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE HAD A SEX CHANGE.
CORRECT.
(EXCITED SHOUTING)
OK, NOW. LET'S GO. TAKE IT SLOW, NOW. TIGHT.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
YO! WHAT Y'ALL HANGING IN THE BACKCOURT FOR?
ALL RIGHT.
THERE YOU GO.
ALL THE WAY, BOYS. SHOOT! SHOOT!
WHOO!
ALL RIGHT. COME ON, NOW.
YO, MAN, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOU'RE SCRUB.
SCRUB.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. JARRELL.
HI.
SO YOU'RE THE FINDER OF LOST CHILDREN.
YOU SAW ME ON TELEVISION. YEAH. I LIKE WORKING WITH CHILDREN.
CHANDLER, COME ON!
SHUT UP!
A CHILD HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED.
WHEN?
FIVE DAYS AGO IN NORTHEASTERN TIBET.
TIBET'S A LITTLE OUT OF MY TERRITORY.
THIS CHILD IS SPECIAL.
HIS DESTINY IS TO SAVE THE WORLD.
THAT'S A GOOD DESTINY.
HEY, CHANDLER, THROW THE BALL!
HERE!
400 YEARS AGO,
THE NU TRONG ORACLE PREDICTED
THAT THE GOLDEN CHILD WOULD BE TAKEN
TO THE CITY OF THE ANGELS
AND WOULD BE RESCUED BY A MAN WHO IS NO ANGEL.
THAT'S YOU, MR. JARRELL.
HA HA HA! YEAH, RIGHT. OK.
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A BASKETBALL GAME,
ALTHOUGH I'D LOVE TO STAY AND CHAT.
THIS LOOKS LIKE A BIG JOINT.
I'M SERIOUS, MR. JARRELL.
LICK IT AND SMOKE IT.
I THINK THERE WAS TWO OF THESE,
AND YOU SMOKED THE OTHER ONE.
PUT IT IN YOUR BAG,
AND STOP SMOKING SCROLLS.
IT LOOKS LIKE A JOINT.
YOU MIGHT GET JUMPED BY SOME RASTAFARIANS.
EXCUSE ME. I HAVE A GAME.
IT'S YOUR DESTINY TO FIND THE GOLDEN CHILD.
AND IT'S YOUR DESTINY
TO SEEK SOME SERIOUS PSYCHIATRIC HELP.
CAN I GO PLAY NOW?
PLEASE. GO HOME.
AND SUCH A CUTE GIRL, TOO.
DOPE FIEND.
HA HA HA!
THAT HER?
YEAH. THAT'S CHERYL MOSELY.
HOW LONG HAS SHE BEEN MISSING?
ABOUT THREE WEEKS.
WHAT DO YOU GOT?
NOT MUCH.
THREE DAYS AGO, THE RENTAL SIGN GOES DOWN,
AND A WHITE TRUCK BACKS OVER THE LAWN.
THE NEIGHBORS HEAR THIS LOW MURMUR NIGHT AND DAY.
LAST NIGHT THE WHITE TRUCK PULLS UP AGAIN,
AND THE MURMURING STOPS.
A NEIGHBOR COMES OUT TO SHUT UP HIS DOG,
LOOKS OVER THE FENCE,
FINDS THE BODY.
WHO RENTED THE PLACE?
SHE DID.
BY PHONE. MAILED IN CASH.
DID YOU TAKE THAT REFERRAL I SENT YOU?
NOPE.
YOU ONLY TAKE THE KID CASES, HUH?
YEAH.
LISTEN, GIVE ME A FEW MORE SHOTS.
O.K., MISS TIBET,
YOU CAN COME OUT NOW.
I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE YOUR CASE.
YOU'RE ALREADY ON IT.
LOOK, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
THE KID WAS IN THE HOUSE?
THIS IS A RESTRAINT CURSE.
THEY NEED TO KEEP EVIL
ON ALL SIDES OF HIM AT ALL TIMES.
JUST THE WRITING WOULDN'T BE ENOUGH.
THEY'D NEED SOMETHING ELSE.
OR WHAT?
OR THE CHILD WILL PROJECT HIMSELF ASTRALLY.
HA HA HA!
GIVE ME A BREAK.
SO YOU'RE TELLING ME
THAT THE PEOPLE THAT KILLED CHERYL--
IF I FIND THEM--
THEY'RE THE SAME PEOPLE THAT KIDNAPPED THE...
THE GOLDEN CHILD.
BUT WHY WOULD THEY KILL CHERYL?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHY ARE THEY FEEDING THE KID BLOOD?
ARE YOU SURE?
I FOUND SOME OATMEAL...
YES?
WITH BLOOD IN IT, AND IT'S PROBABLY HERS.
I DON'T KNOW.
THERE IS SOMEBODY WE COULD ASK
ABOUT THE BLOOD.
THIS IS L.A., THOUGH.
YOU'RE GOING TO ASK SOMEBODY?
ARE THEY IN THIS WORLD,
OR DO WE HAVE TO PROJECT THERE...
SOME PART OF THE GALAXY?
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
MR. JARRELL, YOU HONOR MY SHOP WITH YOUR PRESENCE.
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
HE'S VERY PLEASED
TO MEET A MAN AS GREAT AS YOU.
HOW DO YOU SAY THANK YOU?
TUCH-EY-NA.
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
YEAH, OK.
HEY!
(CONTINUES IN TIBETAN)
MR. JARRELL.
YOU MAY SPEAK WITH HER. SHE CAN HEAR YOU.
TELL ME ABOUT THE GOLDEN CHILD.
EVERY THOUSAND GENERATIONS,
A PERFECT CHILD IS BORN,
A GOLDEN CHILD.
HE HAS COME TO RESCUE US.
RESCUE US FROM WHAT?
FROM OURSELVES.
HE IS THE BRINGER OF COMPASSION.
IF HE DIES, COMPASSION WILL DIE WITH HIM.
SO IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THE KID,
THE WHOLE WORLD GOES TO HELL?
THE WORLD WILL BECOME HELL.
AH! NOT FAR FROM THAT NOW.
WHO WOULD WANT TO TAKE THE KID, ANYWAY?
THOSE WHO WANT EVIL RATHER THAN GOOD.
CAN YOU BE A LITTLE BIT MORE SPECIFIC?
WE DO NOT KNOW WHO TOOK HIM.
WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE HIM EAT BLOOD?
NOTHING IN THIS WORLD WILL HURT HIM,
BUT IF HE WERE TO POLLUTE HIMSELF
WITH ANYTHING IMPURE,
HE WOULD BECOME VULNERABLE.
OK. SO IF THEY...
IF HE EATS THE BLOOD, THEY COULD KILL HIM.
YES.
OH.
DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
BECAUSE YOUR SILHOUETTE IS KICKIN'.
(RATTLING)
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
SHE PLAYS THE MARACAS, TOO?
THIS IS THE CHOSEN ONE?
YES.
YOU PEOPLE PUT ON A GOOD SHOW.
WHERE'D YOU FIND HER?
SHE'S THE LIBRARIAN OF THE PAO-SHIN REPOSITORY.
SHE WAS FLOWN HERE TO HELP US.
SHE'S OVER 300 YEARS OLD.
HOW'D SHE MANAGE THAT ONE?
ONE OF HER ANCESTORS WAS RAPED BY A DRAGON.
DOES THAT HAPPEN A LOT WHERE YOU'RE FROM?
HA HA HA!
I'M SORRY. WHY DON'T YOU COME UP?
NO, THANK YOU.
OH!
WHAT IS IT?
THE SPIRITS.
THE SPIRITS JUST TOLD ME
THAT YOU SHOULD COME UP
FOR A LITTLE WHILE
AND HAVE A DRINK
AND WAIT FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS.
HA HA HA! LOOK, I'M SORRY.
WHY DON'T YOU COME UP FOR A WHILE?
I'LL BE GOOD.
OK.
I TRIED.
THEY SAY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS GIVE A WOMAN
TWO CHANCES TO SAY NO, JUST IN CASE.
THAT'S NO TWICE.
ALL RIGHT. BUT THE SPIRITS WILL BE VERY UPSET.
YOU KNOW, I AM THE CHOSEN ONE.
HA HA HA! OK.
(HELICOPTER)
HA HA HA!
(PUTTING ON THE RITZ PLAYS)
YOU WI EAT.
GET THIS AND THE REST OF YOUR PLAYTHINGS
OUT OF HERE.
(CHIRPING)
HEY, BIRD...
DID YOU SEE A LITTLE HARE KRISHNA MIDGET
IN THE TREE FLOATING...
OR IS IT ME?
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
IT MUST BE ROD SERLING.
YEAH.
YOU THE GUY LOOKING FOR CHERYL MOSELY?
YEAH.
I KNOW WHO GRABBED HER.
OK. WHO WAS SHE WITH?
YOU EVER BEEN TO PACOIMA?
YEAH.
BEHIND THE FREEWAY, THERE'S THIS PAD
FOR SOME BIKERS CALLED THE YELLOW DRAGONS.
SHE WAS WITH THEM LAST WEEK,
BUT SHE AIN'T THERE NOW.
WHO IS THIS? HELLO?
(DIAL TONE)
WHAT IS IT?
NOTHING.
LOOK, I CAME PREPARED
IN CASE WE HAD ANY OTHER EVENTUALITIES.
BUT LISTEN, YOU WAIT HERE.
ANY PROBLEM, YOU LEAVE. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
I'LL STAY HERE.
NO. YOU STAY HERE NOW,
BUT IF THERE'S A PROBLEM, DRIVE AWAY.
UNDERSTAND ME?
OK.
GOT THAT? STAY. LEAVE.
OK.
(GASP)
I'M NOT GOING TO HURT ANYBODY.
I DON'T WANT NO TROUBLE.
I JUST... I'M SORRY.
I JUST WANT SOME CHIPS.
I WANT SOME CHIPS. THAT'S ALL.
SEE? CHIPS. THAT'S IT.
TURN THAT OVER, MAN. IT'S BURNING.
TURN IT OVER!
JUST WANT SOME CHIPS.
(LOUD ROCK PLAYS)
(CHATTER)
MAY I ASK YOU BOYS A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS?
♪ I AIN'T PAYIN', STOP SEEIN' ♪
♪ STREETLIGHTS ON MAIN
♪ HOT NIGHTS, HOLD TIGHT
♪ YOU'RE NOT FOOLIN' ME
♪ LET ME GET RIGHT TO THE POINT ♪
♪ SPEND A LITTLE TIME WITH ME ♪
♪ BODY TALK, I SEE YOUR BODY TALK ♪
♪ YOU MAKE MY BODY TALK WHEN YOU'RE NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ LET IT OUT
♪ YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSIN' ♪
♪ HAVE NO DOUBT
♪ I'M TAKIN' WHAT YOU'RE GIVIN' ♪
♪ MAKE NO MISTAKE...
THAT'LL HOLD HIM.
YEAH, THAT OUGHT TO HOLD HIM.
(COUGH COUGH)
HEY, HEY. IN MY POCKET,
THERE'S A WHOLE THING OF TIC TACS.
TAKE AS MANY AS YOU LIKE, PLEASE.
♪ I DON'T LIKE FEELIN'
♪ MIXED-UP IN THE CITY
♪ SHOWDOWN, SLOW DOWN
♪ YOU'RE NOT FOOLIN' ME
♪ YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE, I'LL LIVE MINE... ♪
UHH! AAH!
AAH!
♪ BODY TALK WHEN YOU'RE NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ BODY TALK, I KNOW YOUR BODY TALK ♪
♪ YOU MAKE MY BODY TALK WHEN YOU'RE NEXT TO ME ♪
OH!
♪ I CAN'T STOP SEEIN'...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
HEY!
♪ HOT NIGHTS, HOLD TIGHT
♪ YOU'RE NOT FOOLIN' ME
♪ LET ME GET RIGHT TO THE POINT ♪
♪ SPEND A LITTLE TIME WITH ME ♪
♪ BODY TALK, I SEE YOUR BODY TALK ♪
SPLIT YOUR BRAIN, ASSHOLE.
♪ WHEN YOU'RE NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ BODY TALK
♪ I KNOW YOUR BODY TALK ♪
♪ YOU MAKE MY BODY TALK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE NEXT TO ME... ♪
(MOTORCYCLE STARTS)
WHY'D YOU COME IN HERE?
DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO COME IN?
I TOLD YOU TO STAY IN THE CAR.
I'M NOT GOING TO TURN THIS INTO A LECTURE,
BUT THIS IS A MAN THING.
THIS IS NO PLACE FOR A WOMAN TO BE.
NEXT TIME I TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING, DO IT.
CAN I HANDLE THIS?
OK.
LEAVE ME ALONE, ASSHOLE.
YOU HAD A GIRL TATTOOED WITH A YELLOW DRAGON.
WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?
WHAT GIRL?
I NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE.
OK.
AAH!
OH. CHERYL.
YEAH. HER.
WE SOLD HER.
SOLD HER? TO WHO?
TO TOMMY TONG.
HE GOT THAT RESTAURANT DOWN ON BROADWAY,
AND...WE TRADED HER--
A CASE OF CIGARETTES AND SOME PORK FRIED RICE.
WHY WOULD SOMEBODY BUY SOMEBODY?
HE NEEDED A GIRL.
FOR WHAT?
HE WORKED THIS DEAL OUT WITH THE DEVIL.
SAID HE NEEDED THE BLOOD.
HA HA HA.
YOU'RE GOING TO GO OVER THERE
AND ROUGH HIM UP, RIGHT?
DON'T TELL HIM I TOLD YOU.
WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
SO LET ME GET THIS RIGHT.
UMM...
YOU SOLD HER?
YEAH.
WE SOLD HER.
WAIT...HERE.
I'M LOOKING FOR TOMMY TONG.
STOP ACTING STUPID. THE MAN OWNS THE PLACE.
I'M LOOKING FOR TOMMY TONG.
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
OH, YOU DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH?
LET ME TRANSLATE FOR YOU.
BRING TOMMY TONG OUT HERE,
OR I'LL BUST YOUR ASS. UNDERSTAND? HUH?
LISTEN, YOU SEE THIS DEAD GIRL?
SHE WAS LAST SEEN WITH TONG.
GET MR. TONG.
YAHHHH!
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT KARATE SHIT.
OK? YAHH!
HYAH!
HOW'D YOU DO THAT?
WHAT WAS THAT... WITH THE FLIP?
(THUNDER)
YOU KILLED HIM.
I DIDN'T KILL HIM.
WHAT HAPPENED?
MAYBE THE GUY CUT HISSELF SHAVING
AND BLED TO DEATH LOOKING FOR A KLEENEX.
MAYBE THE GUY THOUGHT THAT I WAS COMING
AND GOT SCARED AND FIGURED, WHAT THE HELL?
AND KILLED HISSELF.
YOU BUY THAT?
NO.
NEITHER DO I.
WE MAY BE UP AGAINST SUPERNATURAL CREATURES.
LIKE WHAT?
DEMONS.
BY THE TIME HE FINDS YOU,
IT WILL BE TOO LATE.
(VOICES DRONING)
YOU WERE WISE TO KILL TOMMY TONG.
HE WAS WEAK. HE MIGHT HAVE BETRAYED US.
THANK YOU, LORD.
BUT WHY IS THE CHILD STILL ALIVE?
YOU HAVE NO REASON TO FEAR HIM.
HE IS SURROUNDED AT ALL TIMES BY EVIL.
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF GOOD,
AND DO NOT DISMISS THE STRENGTH OF THE CHILD.
THE CHILD WILL NEVER EAT THE BLOOD.
WHAT MUST I DO?
MOVE THE CHILD BEFORE THE CHOSEN ONE DRAWS NEAR.
AND TO KILL HIM?
THE ADJANTE DAGGER. IT'S NOT OF THIS WORLD.
BUT, LORD, IT IS SO WELL-GUARDED.
OFFER TO EXCHANGE THE CHILD FOR IT.
THEY CAN REFUSE NOTHING FOR HIS SAFE RETURN.
USE THE ADJANTE DAGGER.
WITH IT, YOU NEED NO OTHER EVIL.
USE THE DAGGER TO KILL THE CHILD.
(VOICE DRONING)
(MYSTERIOUS BREATHING)
(NEIGHS SOFTLY)
GOOD TO SEE YOU, MR. YARRELL.
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
GET YOUR MONKEY OFF MY BACK.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
OF COURSE. FU, PLEASE RETIRE.
YEAH, FU. SAVE IT.
WAIT A SECOND.
THIS IS A DREAM.
I'M DREAMING.
HEY!
WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE FU WITH HIS MONKEY FACE
AND THE BIG-HEAD GUY AND THE FAT DUDE
AND YOU, YOU DON'T EXIST FOR REAL.
PERHAPS I'VE HAD YOU BROUGHT HERE
TO MAKE YOU AN ATTRACTIVE OFFER.
I CAN'T ACCEPT A PROPOSAL THIS EARLY IN THE SEASON.
(LAUGHTER)
THANK YOU.
HAS IT OCCURRED TO YOU
HOW MANY MEN OF LESS WORTH THAN YOURSELF
OBTAIN SO MANY REWARDS,
WHILE YOU HAVE SO VERY LITTLE?
I CAN'T SAY THAT IT HAS.
I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH OF AN IMAGINATION.
I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS A NICE JACKET.
IT'S A MORRIS DAY FEEL.
IT LOOKS GOOD ON YOU. IT'S SMOKIN'.
I'LL REPEAT MY OFFER ONE LAST TIME.
WELL, I AM DREAMING,
SO I CAN PRETTY MUCH SAY ANYTHING
AND GET AWAY WITH IT,
SO I THINK I'LL SAY FROM MY HEART...
KISS MY ASS.
KISS MY ASS!
(KISSING SOUNDS)
IT'S POINTLESS TALKING TO YOU, MR. YARRELL.
WHY DO YOU INSIST ON MISPRONOUNCING MY NAME?
MY NAME IS JARRELL WITH A "J."
YES, I KNOW.
MY LEGS ARE MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE.
I WILL TRADE THE CHILD FOR THE ADYANTE DAGGER.
HEY.
THIS IS JUST A REMINDER OF THE EVENING...
SO YOU'LL KNOW YOU WERE HERE.
THERE'S NO PAIN IN DREAMS.
YOU'LL REMEMBER THIS A LONG TIME.
EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
DO YOU HAVE ANY METHYLATE OR MERCUROCHROME?
'CAUSE THIS MIGHT GET INFECTED.
TELL YOUR FRIENDS
THAT SARDO NUMSPA SENDS HIS GREETINGS.
A MISTAKE.
YAY! YAY!
KEE.
CHANDLER.
THEY TIED YOU UP IN TOILET PAPER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I HAVE TO BE HERE. IT'S MY DREAM.
I THINK THE KID'S HERE SOMEWHERE.
WE SHOULD FIND THE KID TOGETHER,
AND AFTERWARDS, MAYBE WE COULD SPEND--
SOME TIME TOGETHER.
YEAH.
KIND OF LET NATURE--
TAKE ITS COURSE?
YEAH.
AAH!
AHH! YAH!
AAH!
SO... IT'S SARDO NUMSPA.
WHAT'S THIS KNIFE?
THE CROSS-DAGGER OF ADJANTE.
HE BROUGHT IT TO THIS WORLD
TO KILL THE SECOND GOLDEN CHILD--
THE BEARER OF JUSTICE.
HIS DEATH WAS A GREAT LOSS.
SARDO NEEDS IT TO KILL THE CHILD,
BUT YOU CAN USE IT TO SAVE HIM.
YOU MUST OBTAIN THE KNIFE
AND LURE NUMSPA INTO FREEING THE CHILD.
BUT NEVER LET HIM GET POSSESSION OF THE KNIFE.
NEAT TRICK. BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PULL IT OFF?
HE WILL WANT TO EXCHANGE
THE DAGGER FOR THE CHILD.
IF THE ABBOT WILL LET US HAVE IT.
IF THE KID'S SO IMPORTANT,
WHY DOESN'T THIS GUY JUST GIVE YOU THE DAGGER?
HE'S A VERY DIFFICULT MAN.
TOMORROW, YOU WILL GO WITH KEE NANG TO TIBET TO OBTAIN THE DAGGER.
MAN, I AIN'T GOING TO TIBET.
ONLY THE CHOSEN ONE CAN OBTAIN THE KNIFE.
WILL YOU GO?
LISTEN, THIS CHOSEN ONE THING
IS GOING TOO FAR NOW.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL.
OK?
I HAVE TO THINK THIS OVER
BECAUSE THE CHOSEN ONE THING--TOO FAR.
COULD YOU PLEASE LEAVE US FOR A MOMENT?
YOU ALL TALK IT OVER
BECAUSE THIS SHOULD BE DISCUSSED
BECAUSE IT'S NOT NORMAL. TALK.
THE CHOSEN ONE.
CHOSEN ONE. WHY TIBET?
WHY CAN'T SOMEBODY CHOOSE ME TO GO TO THE BAHAMAS?
I GOT TO GET CHOSEN TO GO TO TIBET.
AND, KALA, YOU'RE NOT A NORMAL CHICK.
YOU CAN'T SIT IN THIS BASEMENT NAKED, SMOKING CIGARETTES,
LOOKING AT SOAP OPERAS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
YAK LOIN.
WHAT IS IT?
YAK LOIN. GOOD TO KEEP THE YANG UP.
AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH MY YANG.
TELL ME HOW THIS DREAM TRANSMISSION THING WORKS.
PART'S DREAM, AND PART'S REAL.
SO THIS SCAR IS REAL?
RIGHT.
WHAT ABOUT NUMSY?
SARDO NUMSPA. HE'S VERY REAL.
YOU SAID SOME THINGS THAT SEEMED REAL.
THAT PART WAS DREAM.
I WAS JUST CHECKING.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO ASK ME UP?
AM I DREAMING NOW?
MUST A LADY ASK TWICE?
NO. NO, PLEASE.
NO. PLEASE TWICE.
PLEASE, PLEASE.
TWICE.
(WHISTLING)
HEY. I DIDN'T KNOW WHETHER YOU WANTED CREAM AND SUGAR. I LEFT IT BLACK.
I WANT YOU TO GO TO TIBET.
WILL YOU GO?
I HEAR IT'S REALLY COLD IN TIBET.
WHY DON'T WE JUST STAY HERE?
WHY DON'T WE STAY HERE ALL WEEKEND LONG
UNDER THE COVERS, WATCHING TELEVISION,
SWEATING AND SMILING AND EVERYTHING?
YOU WON'T GO?
IT'S FREEZING IN TIBET.
HEY. HEY, WHERE YOU GOING?
TIBET.
BUT I'M THE CHOSEN ONE. YOU CAN'T GET THE KNIFE.
I'LL GO. I'LL GO TO TIBET.
WAIT.
BUT IF IT'S REALLY COLD, WE GOT TO COME BACK. OK?
YOU'RE NOT IN A RUSH TO LEAVE, ARE YOU?
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW...
A BED?
IS THAT A BED?
(COUGHING)
(SITAR MUSIC PLAYING)
(FLIGHT ATTENDANT COUGHING)
(COWS MOO)
KATHMANDU, THE GATEWAY TO TIBET.
THERE ARE BULLS WALKING AROUND HERE.
TWO DAYS INTO THE MOUNTAINS,
AND WE WILL BE AT THE HEIGHTS OF HEAVEN.
LOOK, I'M FREEZING,
AND I'M NOT ENJOYING MYSELF,
BUT I'LL DO MY BEST TO FIND THIS GOLDEN CHILD.
I'LL ARRANGE FOR OUR TREK.
YOU HAVE AN HOUR TO LOOK AROUND.
(CHIRP CHIRP)
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
4:30, BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE IT TO THE PARTY.
HA HA.
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
HI.
TAKE IT EASY.
YOU WANT ME TO BUY THAT?
OK. I'LL BUY ONE.
OK. LET ME HAVE THE BLUE ONE.
HOW MUCH IS ONE?
I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THEY COST.
OK. THE BLUE ONE MATCHES MY COAT.
HEY, WAIT A SECOND. YOU TOOK 100.
YOU TOOK THE 100.
NO. SEE, $1.00 IS FOR YOU.
SEE THIS GEORGE WASHINGTON?
THAT'S BENJAMIN FRANKLIN. THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.
YOU GOT THE WRONG MONEY.
AHH...AHH...
CAN I HAVE MY MONEY BACK?
YOU GAVE ME THE WRONG NECKLACE, TOO.
YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART, ASSWIPE.
OH, YOU SPEAK ENGLISH JUST FINE.
SO DO YOU. SO WHAT?
GIVE ME MY 100 BACK
AND GIVE ME THE RIGHT ONE.
MONKEY BREATH, PUKE FACE,
EATER OF TURTLE SLIME.
HA...
GIVE ME MY SHIT, AND YOU TAKE YOUR SHIT.
WHAT, SCUZZBUCKET?
OK, YOU SLICK SHITHEAD,
YOU SNEAKY LITTLE BASTARD.
YOU WANT YOUR MONEY? TAKE IT.
(CHIRP CHIRP)
DID YOU SEE A LITTLE NAKED MAN
RUNNING AROUND WITH A $100 BILL?
I'VE ARRANGED FOR YAKS, PONIES, AND BOATS.
YOU DIDN'T SEE A NAKED BUM WITH $100?
NO, BUT I COULD ARRANGE FOR ONE.
YOU GOT TO SHOW UP SOONER OR LATER!
AND WHEN YOU DO, YOUR ASS IS KICKED!
AND I'M GONNA SELL YOUR CLOTHES!
LEAVE YOU IN KATHMANDU
NAKED AND BLEEDING WITH NO MONEY!
THE DUDE TOOK MY MONEY.
IF I HAD MY $100,
WE COULD HAVE GOT A MOTORBOAT.
SHUT UP AND PADDLE.
I'LL PADDLE HIS ASS.
I'LL PADDLE YOUR ASS WHEN I FIND YOU!
I'M GONNA ROW YOUR ASS TILL IT BLEEDS!
WE'LL BE THERE SOON.
BETTER HAVE A SPATULA WHERE WE'RE GOING,
'CAUSE MY ASS IS FROZEN TO THIS YAK!
(CONTINUES STAMPING FEET)
WE BOW.
♪♪ ♪♪
That's the dude that took my money!
(MUSICAL NOTE RESOUNDS)
(SPOKEN AS CHANT) WE HAVE COME TO ASK
FOR THE SACRED CROSS-DAGGER OF ADJANTE.
(CHANTING) FOR WHAT REASON?
FOR THE GOLDEN CHILD.
HE DOES NOT NEED IT.
TO SAVE HIS LIFE.
THE CHILD LIVES FOR OUR SAKES, NOT FOR HIS OWN.
I HUMBLY BEG YOU,
LET US HAVE THE KNIFE.
LET HIM ASK IT.
I SAID, I-I-I-I-I-I
WANT THE KNIFE.
LET HIM ASK AGAIN.
(CHANTING) I WANT THE KNIFE.
(CHANTING) PLEASE.
ONLY A MAN WHOSE HEART IS PURE CAN WIELD THE KNIFE,
AND IF YOU'RE SUCH A MAN,
YOU WILL HAVE IT.
ONLY A MAN WHOSE HEART IS PURE
CAN WIELD THE KNIFE,
AND ONLY A MAN WHOSE ASS IS NARROW
CAN GET DOWN THESE STEPS.
IF MINE IS SUCH A ASS, THEN I SHALL HAVE IT.
OH, SHIT.
BEYOND THE DOOR IS A CORRIDOR.
AT THE OTHER END IS THE SACRED ADJANTE DAGGER.
IF YOU WALK TO THE END OF THE CORRIDOR AND RETRIEVE IT,
THE DAGGER IS YOURS.
THAT SOUNDS SIMPLE ENOUGH.
JUST ONE THING--
CARRY THIS WITHOUT SPILLING ONE DROP.
WHO ARE YOU, MONTY HALL NOW?
YOU MUST BE CAROL MERRILL.
DON'T SPILL ANY WATER. THIS IS CRAZY.
KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS AS PURE AS THE WATER.
THIS WATER AIN'T REALLY THAT PURE.
NEITHER ARE YOU.
I GIVE YOU THIS ADVICE-- STAY ON THE PATH.
HA HA! YOU GOT IT.
WOO! WOO! WOO!
I'M SO AFRAID OF THE DARK, TOO.
YOU NEED TO GET SOMEBODY
TO COME CLEAN UP DOWN HERE!
WOO-OO-OO-OO!
(CREAK)
THIS IS A PIECE OF CAKE.
THIS IS A PIECE OF CAKE! OK?!
HEY, THERE'S NO FLOOR.
THERE'S NO GROUND.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THERE'S A GROUND!
YOU'RE MAKING IT LOOK LIKE IT'S NO GROUND
TO SEE IF I'M GOING TO BE SCARED AND RUN BACK AND SAY--
THERE'S A GROUND.
THERE'S A GROUND, MONTY.
THERE'S NO GROUND HERE!
(CREAKING)
OH, SHIT.
REMEMBER...STAY ON THE PATH!
I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!
LET'S JUST HOPE THE PATH STAYS UNDER ME.
YOU SAID I WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY ON THE PATH!
YES, BUT YOU MUST KNOW WHEN TO BREAK THE RULES.
HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE SURVIVED THIS TEST?
NONE!
NONE?
I'LL BREAK YOUR ASS WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE!
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!
I FOLLOWED ALL YOUR RULES!
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?
KEEP YOUR MIND AND YOUR THOUGHTS AS PURE AS THE WATER.
DON'T DROP THE WATER. DON'T DROP THE WATER.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. THE WATER.
FIRE AND THE WATER.
OK.
TO MONTY...
A TOAST!
HA!
HA! I GOT THE KNIFE!
NOW, TURN ON THE GODDAMN LIGHTS!
(DOOR OPENS)
WHAT IS IT, ASSWIPE?
LISTEN, I WANT YOUR ADVICE ABOUT SOMETHING.
(BELCH)
I'M GOING TO LET THAT SLIDE. IT'S YOUR WAY.
(BELCH)
DON'T PRESS YOUR LUCK, THOUGH.
I KNOW THAT YOU'RE A VERY OLD AND WISE AND...
DISGUSTING GUY,
AND...
GONNA WIPE THAT ON YOUR JACKET, HUH?
I WAS WONDERING WHAT A MAN SAYS
TO A WOMAN FROM YOUR WORLD
WHEN HE LOVES HER AND WANTS TO MARRY HER.
IF YOU TOOK THE SHORT PATH
AND REACHED ENLIGHTENMENT BEFORE TOMORROW,
WHO WOULD WANT YOU FOR A HUSBAND?
WHAT'S THE SHORT PATH?
FIRST OF ALL, YOU MUST REMAIN PURE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
OH, YOU MEAN...
HA HA HA!
IS THERE A LONG WAY?
IT TAKES 10,000 LIFETIMES.
WE DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH TIME.
NO WOMEN. WHAT ELSE?
FOR YOU?
YOU MUST TRUST SOMEONE
YOU HAVE NO REASON TO TRUST.
YOU MUST MAKE A PROMISE
TO SOMEONE YOU HAVE JUST MET,
AND YOU MUST LOVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU.
HOW WILL I KNOW WHEN TO DO THESE THINGS?
THAT'S FOR YOU TO DECIDE.
YOU MUST TELL NO ONE
I HAVE PUT YOU ON THE PATH.
UH...THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.
HA HA! HE THINKS I HELPED HIM.
GET THAT BOOGER OFF YOUR JACKET BEFORE IT FREEZES UP.
YOU'LL SCRATCH YOURSELF.
KEEP THAT 100 'CAUSE THERE'S NO TELLING
WHAT MIGHT BE ON THE BILL WHEN YOU GIVE IT BACK.
GUNPA...
I HAVE RUINED MYSELF WITH THE AMERICAN.
HE'S A FOOL.
BUT HE'S BRAVE.
HE'S IRRESPONSIBLE.
HE'S GENEROUS.
HE THINKS OF NOTHING
BUT PROTECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS.
BUT IF YOU TOUCH HIS HEART,
THERE'S NOTHING HE WOULDN'T DO FOR YOU.
HE BELIEVES IN NOTHING.
AND STILL HE DOES WHAT IS RIGHT.
HE IS A CALLOUS, THOUGHTLESS, UNDISCIPLINED FOOL.
YES.
I DO LIKE HIM VERY MUCH.
IT'S VERY HARD NOT TO.
THOSE MAGNIFICENT AMERICANS...
SO MUCH POWER
AND SO LITTLE UNDERSTANDING WHAT TO DO WITH IT.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
YOU MUST HELP HIM SAVE THE GOLDEN CHILD...
AND FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
THANK YOU, GUNPA.
YOU'RE WELCOME, DAUGHTER.
AND WHEN YOU WANT TO MARRY HIM,
YOU HAVE MY BLESSING.
THANK YOU.
THEY WON'T LET ME ON THE PLANE WITH THIS KNIFE.
YES, THEY WILL.
NO, THEY WON'T. I'M GOING TO JAIL.
THANK YOU.
THIS WON'T WORK.
I'M GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE
IN A CLAY CELL IN KATHMANDU.
ANOTHER COW?
IT'S KATHMANDU. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
THEY WON'T LET ME ON THE PLANE
WITH A 2-FOOT KNIFE UNDER MY SHIRT.
RELAX. TRUST IN YOUR DESTINY.
YOU TRUST IN YOU DESTINY.
COME WITH ME, PLEASE.
I HAVE NOTHING TO DECLARE.
IT'S NECESSARY.
SEE?
IT'S FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION.
THESE ARE JUST MY DRAWERS.
THAT'S MY CLEAN ONES.
THESE ARE DIRTY ONES.
EXCUSE ME. I'VE A PLANE TO CATCH.
COME ON. COME ON. HURRY UP.
WHAT'S THIS?
I WANT TO GO BACK TO AMERICA.
I'M A CITIZEN, OK?
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
IT JUST DOES MY HEART GOOD
TO SEE ANOTHER AMERICAN CITIZEN!
(METAL DETECTOR BEEPS)
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
NO, I'M NOT CRAZY!
I'M AGENT CHANDLER JARRELL
FROM THE AMERICAN STOLEN ARTIFACTS FOUNDATION.
EVERYBODY, IT'S OK.
I'M THE STOLEN ARTIFACTS FOUNDATION MAN!
FREDDIE, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!
YOU MAKE ME SICK!
I'LL TALK TO YOU ON THE PLANE, FREDDIE!
NOBODY BE ALARMED! I'M CHANDLER JARRELL,
AMERICAN STOLEN ARTIFACTS FOUNDATION OF AMERICA.
THANKS TO YOU,
WE WERE ABLE TO CATCH THIS PIECE OF SHIT,
AND I THANK THE GOOD PEOPLE OF NEPAL!
A BUNCH OF BRILLIANT BUGGERS, ALL OF YOU.
YOU ARE ONE HELL OF A LEADER.
THE KEEN, THE CUNNINGNESS...
THE INSTINCT! THE INSTINCT
IS BRILLIANT!
I CAN TELL YOU TRAINED UNDER THIS MAN,
'CAUSE YOU HAVE THE SAME GLARE IN YOUR EYE.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID, BUT YOU'RE BRILLIANT.
THE BEST BRILLIANCE
IS BRILLIANCE BORN FROM SOMEONE IGNORANT.
THIS IS MY ASSISTANT KEE NANG HERE--
AGENT 69--
WE THANK YOU!
THE PEOPLE OF NEPAL, THANK YOU!
YOU'RE A BUNCH OF BEAUTIFUL, BRILLIANT PEOPLE!
NEPAL!
N-E-P-A-L!
VIVA NEPAL! VIVA NEPAL!
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
(SITAR MUSIC PLAYS)
(SINGING NONSENSE SYLLABLES)
WELCOME BACK.
THANK YOU.
HEY, THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM NOW.
YOU DID A MARVELOUS JOB OBTAINING THE KNIFE.
YOU WILL BE SPENDING THE NEXT FEW DAYS
AT A HOUSE OF A FRIEND.
WHEN WILL WE BE CONTACTED ABOUT THE KNIFE?
THAT'S CHANDLER YARRELL.
IF HE DOESN'T RETURN MY PROPERTY,
ARREST HIM.
WELCOME HOME, MR. YARRELL.
YOU HAVE SOMETHING FOR ME?
(ACCENT) I'M SORRY, NUMSY.
I SHOULD BE PUNISHED!
EVERYONE, I HAVE STOLEN FROM MY BROTHER NUMSY.
OFFICER, IT'S YOUR DUTY TO TAKE ME IN. PLEASE.
PURGE ME. I AM ASHAMED OF MYSELF.
I SHOULD BE ARRESTED. I SHOULD BE PURGED.
I SHOULD BE FLOGGED.
LET ME HAVE A WORD WITH HIM.
I AM A SWINE, A WRETCH.
HOW LONG CAN YOU KEEP UP THIS MASQUERADE?
UNTIL YOU REALIZE THE RULES OF EVIDENCE IN THIS COUNTRY.
SEE, IF I GET ARRESTED,
THEY PUT ME IN A JAIL CELL.
THEN THEY TAKE THE KNIFE, BECAUSE IT'S A STOLEN OBJECT,
AND THEY PUT THAT IN A LITTLE ROOM.
THEY PUT "EXHIBIT A" ON IT.
I SIT IN MY ROOM.
THE KNIFE SITS IN ITS ROOM
UNTIL THE TRIAL COMES UP--A MONTH TO A YEAR.
SO IF YOU GET ME ARRESTED,
THERE'S NO TELLING WHEN YOU'LL GET YOUR KNIFE.
YOU'VE NO IDEA WHO I AM, HAVE YOU?
YES. YOU'RE SARDO NUMSY!
LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
I DO CARE THAT YOU KIDNAPPED A LITTLE KID.
I COULD DESTROY YOU... JUST LIKE THAT.
WE WOULDN'T WANT THAT.
LISTEN. BRING ME THE BOY.
I'LL GIVE YOU THE KNIFE.
THEN NO ONE WILL HAVE TO BE DESTROYED...
JUST LIKE THAT.
THINK IT OVER.
MY BROTHER'S FORGIVEN ME!
KEE, DR. HONG,
BROTHER NUMSY HAS FORGIVEN ME.
DEAR BROTHER,
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
I TOLD HIM I WOULDN'T BE SO POLITE NEXT TIME.
YOU A FOOLHARDY, AREN'T YOU?
I DO MY BEST.
ARE YOU COMING TO BED?
NO. I THINK I'M GOING TO SLEEP OUT HERE.
OH.
GOOD NIGHT.
AAH!
I JUST HEARD SOMETHING.
I DON'T LIKE THIS.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
RUN!
I DIDN'T SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU TO OBLIGATE YOU.
I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH YOU
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
SHE'S BEYOND THIS WORLD OF PAIN.
Kala: YOU CAN SAVE HER.
THE GOLDEN CHILD CAN BRING HER BACK
AS LONG AS SUNLIGHT STILL SHINES ON HER.
NO MORE MAGIC! SHE'S DEAD!
YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE. YOU WILL FIND THE CHILD.
YOU HAVE UNTIL NIGHTFALL TO FIND THE CHILD.
SARDO CANNOT KILL HIM UNTIL DARK.
(CHIRP)
(CHIRP CHIRP)
(CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP)
AAH!
(CLICK)
SHH...
(DOOR OPENS)
WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE. OK?
HEY, WHERE'S YOUR BOSS?
KEEP AN EYE ON THE KID.
THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.
MY DEAR, SWEET BROTHER NUMSY.
I CAN SEE YOU'RE BUSY RIGHT NOW.
I'LL COME BACK SOME OTHER TIME.
THERE ARE NO KEYS IN THE CAR!
NO KEYS!
OH, COME ON!
COME ON! COME ON!
(ENGINE STARTS)
EVERYTHING WILL BE OK.
I KNOW.
FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELT, KID.
SOMEBODY GIVE YOU A VALIUM OR WHAT?
THIS KIND OF THING MUST HAPPEN A LOT WHERE YOU'RE FROM.
I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT ON MYSELF.
HEY! HEY, GOLDIE!
YOU WON'T EVEN HELP ME?
YOU'LL JUST KEEP RUNNING, RIGHT?
HEY!
WAIT!
(ROARING)
HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO BE?
ABOUT TWO WEEKS.
YOU'LL DROP THE KID OFF AND COME BACK.
YES.
I BOUGHT THIS FOR YOU, OK?
PUT THAT ON, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT OTHER KIDS MESSING WITH YOUR HEAD.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO TIBET WITH A BIG HEAD.
HA HA HA!
THAT IS A COOL TRICK.
DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT GOING INTO SHOW BUSINESS?
I THROW A ROCK, YOU MAKE IT FLOAT OFF--
STANDING OVATIONS ALL OVER THE PLACE.
YOU EVER HEAR OF ED McMAHON'S STAR SEARCH?
DO THEY HAVE STAR SEARCH IN TIBET?
PROBABLY NOT. PROBABLY HAVE FOOD SEARCH.
WE COULD ALL GO ON STAR SEARCH
AND LET THE AUDIENCE THROW ROCKS AT YOU,
AND YOU CAN MAKE THEM ALL HIT ED McMAHON...HARD. HA HA HA!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY PARAMOUNT DOMESTIC TELEVISION
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--